I miss you

Dear,

If you're reading this now, you might think that I am ridiculous for doing what I did. And you might think I'm stupid because even though we broke up and I still write something like this for you. 

Sorry

Sorry that I loved you 

Sorry that I missed you 

Sorry that I wanted to turn back time so badly right now 

You know what? There's like a bomb inside of me just waiting for the right time to activate. I can't take it anymore, I tried to stop it but I wouldn't, I try to slow it down and act like everything is fine but it only makes myself hurt more. I tried lying to my friends saying that there are no hard feelings at all is also a lie. Believe me it's gonna burst sometime from now. 

I'll dont know what can I do then. I wanted a therapist so badly right now because all I can think of is what are we now if I didn't say what I said that day. And it ends up I'll just be lonely, sad, unhappy and hopeless.

I hate myself you know

I don't know if you hate yourself too for not even putting an effort to let me stay instead just let me go because I said so. 

I hate you 

I hate you when you said 'what you want me to do?!' 

"What you expect me to do? Cry ah? I don't want my family to see me being sad" 

I HATE HIM AS MUCH AS I HATE MYSELF. 

I beg you let me go