I forgot.

I forgot when's the last time I smile because of happiness.

I forgot what happened that made me who I am now.

I miss how I used to be, how I don't care about everyone else and whatever they think and just do the things I like. Laugh about others during class with my besties.  

Things we use to do everytime. The stupid chit chats we had. I miss that time but now because  that I'm so tired of being the only one who puts effort in trying to stay in touch and talk more, that I really hope one day you would do what I did. I hate this moment, I don't even want to talk about it anymore. Your're a disappontment to me right now. I put hope on you but you disappoint me again and again. What am I to you? 

Of so many friendships, I always went through this stage were I'm tired of being the only one who puts effort in this friendship and leaves. I always leave, because my friend does not know how I feel. Or should I say none of them know how I feel. I can't even feel that they care. They just give me this "unwanted" feeling. Which makes me feel really bad. If we ever got through this stage, you could my best friend forever but people who got through, they don't seem to care about this little friendship we had anymore. Then after so many tries and failure, I got fed up by disappointments every single time. 

What to do? Or should I say what should I do to make you put effort in this friendship?

Should I just let go and give up trying or to try again so that I'll have no regrets?

Feeling so depressed somehow and blur. 

What do you want? 

What do I want?