Us but maybe it's just me.

At the beginning, it was as if everything was so much easier. Though you can't really see the road path in front of you but it was easy because we didn't think that much. Life was easier that way. 

All of a sudden when problems start to hit us, when we have to start solving small puzzle pieces together to complete the big picture. This is when everything I thought we were strong enough for, we weren't. Isn't it sad to see how the walls you built up with him together became higher and higher but because the base foundation was so thin then, it became a weakness now. 

From the start, who knew things were going to get complicated. Who knew that the base foundation was so important? No one did. Though I've always have faith in you. I have faith in us. Honestly, when you start to get to know someone new, have you ever think twice before believing them and showing your weakness to them? I didn't. I never thought twice when that person was you. I believed you from the start and it was fascinating because back then I had no idea what made me did that. I just know that it's alright, I can be myself in front of you, you are trust worthy enough. I guess that's when I started to feel like you actually mean a lot to me. 

Reality is, I didn't even know exactly how you feel, I just assumed everything from what was given by you. You made me feel like we were something only to realise we were nothing and it was all just my wishful thinking. 

I have always been a person who chose to see the good in people. When they let me down, I tend to make up excuses or reasons for them because I trust that I know them better. Funny how I even lied to myself, trying to talk myself into believing that they were right and apologising to them when clearly they are the ones who manipulated me into thinking I was wrong. I trusted them with everything, sadly to found out that I don't know them at all. They turned out to be the complete opposite of who I thought they were. In the end, I'm the only one getting hurt. 

More and more of this made me feel like I am not worth of being loved. I start to feel like everyone I like or love will always let me down. There will never be a happy ending. I doubt myself a lot.  Even when my close friends gave me advices that they think I did the right thing and fully supported me, I still feel like it was me. I've always had strong beliefs in words. But people tend to say things that they don't really mean and it hurts me a lot. What are words if you really don't mean them when you say them?