A thought about solitude and staying connected (old drafts #4 - Oct 8, 2019)

Someone once told me that I reminded him of solitude. And when I first heard the term, I kid you not, I didn't know what it meant. 'Solitude' basically means the state or situation of being alone. Funny, because I couldn't tell if that statement was supposed to be a compliment or an insult (sort of) for me? 

Why am I bringing this up as a topic, you asked? Well, recently I've been having quite a lot of "me" time. Like all studies done in the social psychology field, human beings are meant to live in groups. Any individual that has been in isolation long enough will soon show decline in one's mental health. Socially isolated people are less capable of dealing with stressful situations and more likely to feel depressed, having problems with processing information, which in turn leads to difficulties in making decisions, memory storage and recall. There are countless negative impacts on the human mind and body. I'm only listing out some of the severe consequences of extreme isolation, letting you into a bigger picture of what social isolation can do to the human mind and body. 

Point is, as much as I appreciate "me" time and doing things that I genuinely enjoy doing, I feel like there certainly is a max limit to this whole "me" time. I wouldn't be feeling good or proud having way too much "me" time. Contrary to that, I would feel detached from reality, from people around me and everything else. It doesn't feel good. Feelings of detached, somehow made me feel afraid to reach out to others, to go back online again. I guess some people may also interpret this as feelings of "FOMO", which is an abbreviation for Fear Of Missing Out. Well, it does feel similar in some way, but to me, I feel crushed, defeated, demotivated, feeling a sense of loss of purpose, and feeling like I just don't belong. 

Solitude? Or really just trying to hide from feelings of failure or loss of purpose in life? 

As ironic as it may seem, people always say "It's good to go offline once in a while. To not be on social media and just spend more time with yourself ... etc." But in reality, you really need that sort of push, or somewhat hidden 'peer pressure' to make you realise that you are not keeping up on life. Everyone else have been achieving milestones everyday and what about you? What have you done when you're offline? Did you perhaps accomplished something that you really worked hard for? Or did you spend your time offline, resting and doing things that would not matter to you in 5 years time? 

To make it clear, I'm not trying to compare with others here. But looking at myself, I really wonder what have I done with all this time given to me? We all have a fair share of 24 hours a day, with a recommended minimum of 6 to 8 hours of sleep every night. Life definitely seemed fair here doesn't it? And then you stop for a moment and ponder, so why is it that I am not achieving my milestones yet? Given the same amount of time as those successful role models we see every day, something must be lacking, I must be lacking somewhere, somehow.

I cannot stress enough how important is it to pay attention to your own mental health, to listen to your body and know that you deserve a break whenever you feel exhausted or burnt out, as long as you know that after a short break, you have to get up and keep going. Don't blame "being online" as to why you're feeling depressed, demotivated, feeling a sense of failure and all that negative energy. Try to look at yourself first and reflect on where and what have you spent your time on. Maybe from there, you can work out your own ways and be able to still feel okay, even if you witness how successful others are doing in their life. 

Take life a step at a time and do everything at your own pace. You will get to where you want to, slowly but surely. 

At end of the day, the way others live their lives don't matter, the way you live yours do. Quit feeling like a failure or that you're missing out on all the 'fun'. Behind all the fun others had portrayed on the internet, who really knows what they are actually going through in real life? 

Who cares if your friend went to that LIT concert without you, travelled around the world, got a high-paid job as a fresh graduate, or got a scholarship for their masters program. If that was what you wanted, then work towards it. Channel your energy into making your short-term or long-term goals and dreams reachable. Don't just think, do it. Starting is always the hardest, but once you take that first step, you will fuel yourself with more motivation to move forward.

Just remind yourself, 

If that was what you want, you would've worked hard for it. You only deserve what you worked hard for. 

Keep life simple and stop comparing your life with someone else's life. That equation does not exist.