Being unhappy

Pressure came to me recently. Knowing that my friends are actually doing better at everything than me. In grades, academics, even curricular activities. I mean I'm happy for my friend. What I don't really get is why am I not like them? Why can't i do better, I tried working hard to get what I want. But it seems so near yet so far. So far for me to reach. I guess sometimes is because my friend is good at "socialising" which is maybe the reason why almost everyone know her name. It's unfair. How I feel. 

When someone thinks that someone else  is better, they won't think it like, I want to be like her or I want to take her place. But rather, I want to pull you down, come down, down to where I am right now. This only means you admit someone else is better than you. And it's not okay. It's not at all. You should instead try to work harder. 

What I feel is that no matter how hard I work, because that no ones seems to acknowledge my appearance, I won't get any notice. I get mad at my friend, then I feel like an idiot being mad somehow is because that I am jealous of what my friend got instead of myself. 

How do you throw away these thoughts? I'm so confused, mad, jealousy. 

 

*reminds myself* 

-Sending lots of love to you from Giselle.